Saturday, December 19, 2009

Too Much Information at Costco? Nah

I was in Costco yesterday because I freaking love Costco and often go for no good reason- which doesn't mean I don’t buy anything. It’s part of the charm of this cavernous place to have revolving inventory so your need to acquire is never quenched. My inability to pass up a good bargain at Costco aside- I had a moving experience- and I’m not talking about someone moving my cart to the car for me because it was so loaded down with items I'm certain I need.

In my rabid enthusiasm as I headed toward the wine section, I failed to yield and connected squarely with another cart. At the helm of the other was one of my neighbors I’m rather well acquainted with. He is dashingly handsome, happily married, father of two delightful children and enormously successful. He’s THE guy, THE husband, the one everyone either wants to be or wishes they were married to. At get-togethers he lingers with his wife and blushes as compliments abound- it’s shocking we have gotten to know one another at all as I'm never lingering near the women.

The conversation is always vastly more interesting maleside (like ringside, unless you are invited into the conversation). This particular man, let’s name him Jared, shares a nearly maniacal zeal for hockey- I can relate. It’s what initially brought us together, and then I got to know his family members- all of whom are lovely.

At any rate, I was shocked his cart was filled to capacity with clothing, electronics, books, movies and toys. I quickly surveyed his bounty and found it an eclectic mixture, considering his children were 3-year-old twin girls.

“Goodness, Jared.”

“Hi there.”

“Are you setting the girls up for college?”

“Oh, this? Nah. This is to take to the church.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I do it every year.”

I couldn’t help noticing it was the middle of the day and I’d never known him to make it home from the office prior to 7 p.m. after putting in an 11-hour day in the world of high finance.

“Is something wrong?”

“What? No. I just, it’s the middle of the day. Can’t your assistant take care of this?”

“Oh, sure. I just like to do it myself. Therapeutic.”

“Right, doing something for others.”

“Mmm. It goes a little deeper than that for me.”

I looked at him for a long moment- wondering if this was an invitation to inquire further or a random statement. I wanted to know the answer, so I prodded gently.

“Long story.”

I waited patiently, happy I was blocking his cart full of easily over $1,000 in merchandise- all of which was practical. When he paused, I raised an eyebrow in askance.

“Well, I guess I must have been 6 or so. I remember it was so cold in our trailer my brother and I were sitting as close to the dryer as we could. As soon as it was done we’d actually fight over who got to fold the clothes- because they were so warm.”

Trailer? I silently begged myself not react. I was under the impression he came from family money- so well polished and refined was he. Perfectly dressed at all times, courteous, etiquette flawless, manners impeccable, his wife not inclined toward work …

“It was looking to be a rather grim Christmas so we were pretending it wasn’t Christmas day. There was a knock on the door and we thought it was Mom’s new boyfriend, but it wasn’t. Two women I knew vaguely from the church wedged themselves into our home- they had a few bags with them. I could see wrapping paper and I remember being so excited. It wouldn’t have mattered what was under the paper.”

My throat grew tight and suddenly I felt guilty for prying. Then I realized he wasn’t reluctant to share. More so, he seemed to fear burdening me. Oversharing.

“I could smell food and I wasn’t sure what I was more excited about. A Christmas dinner or a present. All said and done, I got a fire truck and we had ham for dinner. It was perfect.”

Perfect?

“I, I, didn’t realize.”

“What? Oh, that I grew up poor? Exceedingly poor. I love that memory. It was the day I decided I wanted to be the church. I wanted to provide for others. I wanted to work hard so I could help. Those ladies made my year.”

“You and Kate are very generous in your donations and charitable efforts. She’s always acknowledged for it.”

“We try. There’s something about Christmas, though. Children. So much is made of this magical day. The thought of one child going without recognition makes me sick- so this is therapy. I start stock-piling when the toys come to Costco in October.”

“So that’s where they went!” I joked, though I didn’t feel like joking at all. I felt like bursting into tears. I’d have never imagined a man who was so invested in his work, career and family would take so much time to serve others. “I had no idea.”

“Why would you?”

“I’m sorry? I mean you’ve never mentioned this ... therapeutic effort.”

“I guess it’s private. I drop this stuff off at the church in brown bags and that is that.”

“You must purchase thousands of dollars in gifts- it would seem that deserves recognition.”

“Mmm. I don’t it for recognition. Kate doesn’t even know I do this. Don’t get me wrong- it’s not altruistic. I get a great deal of personal satisfaction out of serving others. It’s just not something that needs to be shared.”

“Thank you for sharing it with me.”

“I didn’t want you to think I had another family stashed somewhere.” He flashed me a dazzling smile with a wink and unhinged his cart from mine.

I walked away feeling I’d received a gift. I’d learned something meaningful and magical about someone I already cared for and admired.

As Christmas approaches, the stress level is rising. Try to remain focused- spend time with people who validate you. Think of ways you can help shoulder some of the stress in those around you. Alcohol can only go so far in easing the pressure.

This week, we will continue our wedding planning series. We need to talk about budget- grab a paper bag, valium or a bottle of wine- discussions of the budget will be among the most stressful. If you need a paper bag, valium and a bottle of wine …

We will get deeper into hockey- a discussion of position and terminology is forthcoming. After the bowl games and before the NBA finals and the Stanley Cup run- I am going to start a "sports argument of the week" section. This is a great way for Clever Girls to snag the spotlight- whether you are at a social engagement or talking to that new guy you continue to dazzle with your sports prowess. Often, all it takes is posing the question- you appear (and are) informed and then you give him an opportunity to express his views on a favorite subject. Sounds like a win-win.

I’ve received a number of e-mails with parenting questions, so I am going to start at the beginning next week with what to pack in your bag for the hospital and a few other tips.

I appreciate very much all of the feedback.

X

CG

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