Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Guest Count? Budget? Venue? Consultant.

Clever Couples find comfort here. It is time to move forward in the wedding planning process. There is great debate as to whether the budget should be established before the guest list. Two schools of thought. The guest list should drive the budget or the budget will determine the guest list. I have a third issue with which to muddy the waters. Venue. If you have your heart set on a lovely chapel in downtown Carmel that seats 50- you have your guest count. If the reception must take place in a charming little bed and breakfast on which you’ve had your heart set for a decade, and the place will seat only 70 for dinner, you have your guest count. If you have $1,000 to throw an entire wedding, you have a problem.

So, before you tear hair (yours or anyone else’s), give some thought to where you would like the blessed event to take place- not only the ceremony, but the reception. I have heard of brides who invite a limited number of guests to the ceremony, have a small cocktail reception following and then open the reception to double the amount of people in a larger arena. Alternately, I’ve heard of brides who have invited double the amount of people to the ceremony and limited the reception. This works especially well in the event you have a large number of older guests, as often the ceremony is the most important part to them (marriage vs. wedding).

Regardless, all three facets will work in tandem to create limits. Best scenario ever? Budget is not a consideration, so, you simply need to find the venues of your dreams and then build a guest list to match or vice versa. Either way, the Clever Couple should sit down with whomever is providing the bulk of the budget and come to some decisions.

If the bride’s parents are paying for the wedding, as is customary (though this is changing, as couples are waiting longer to get married), then a few things need to be understood going into this meeting: 1) They will be allowed to invite whomever they choose 2) They will dictate to a certain degree how much will be spent, and 3) They will have veto power over almost everything.

There are a hundred ways to cut purse strings- you just need to be So Very Clever.

One way to avoid these frustrating scenarios is to pay for your own wedding. It is becoming increasingly common for the parents of the bride to contribute instead of pay for the entire event. In some cases, the parents offer an amount and step back and keep their noses out of it (NEVER happens- purse strings will come into play at some point. Does this sound familiar- as long as you live under my roof? OK, the new articulation of that is this- if I am paying for …)

Manage your expectations- if you are not fighting with your parents- you will be fighting with each other. Make a list of items you feel comfortable having them pay for. For example- invitations, ceremony, floral. Make sure the list comprises those aspects that will not conflict with your own desires. Put simply- if you don’t care what the floral looks like, or the cake, or the lighting, let the parents manage it and pay for it. If you refuse to compromise on the reception venue- be prepared to offer to pay.

I would ask everyone to come to the table with the following: The amount of money they are willing to contribute. The ideal ceremony and reception sites and a guest list comprising their people. Bring the consultant I have already advised you to hire. He/she should be under contract at this point so they are well within their role to mediate what is going to be a VERY tense evening. I advise you save the drinking until after what could amount to a WWF smackdown.

Know in advance, the food and beverage at the reception will take the bulk of the budget- so agreeing on a venue early will be important to managing your overall budget. Let’s say between all parties, you agree the reception must take place at The Plaza Hotel in New York City- the ballroom seating 500 comfortably for a seated dinner. That means your guest list cannot exceed 500. Having checked on the food and beverage minimum for a Saturday evening in June, you find yourself locked into $150,000. Absurd, right?

Members of the Clever Tribe would immediately ask the minimum for a Friday night and a Sunday night- or inquire as to a Saturday evening in February. As I stated in previous posts- Saturday evenings will be charged a premium as will the months of April, May, June, October, November and December. Clever Couples will pick a date where they can maximize their budget without compromising on their guest list or their desired venues.

For 95 of 100 people, The Plaza is not an option, so let’s go the other direction. Say you and your fiancĂ© have your hearts set on doing the reception where you had your first date. You have called and they are willing to allow you to rent the site, BUT it seats only 50 for dinner. You must be So Very Clever here. One option would be to have a small ceremony and reception and then have a large party at another time for an extended guest list. I can guarantee you will have hurt feelings and lose friends over this decision, but it can be done- maybe it was time to weed out some unproductive relationships anyway.

I personally recommend everyone involved in the payment of the bills make a list of the aspects of the wedding in order of importance. This will help to determine who might pay for what. A sound piece of advice going into the process (ready the paper bag and sit down in preparation for head between the knees) is to increase the “proposed budget” by 30-50 percent, as even the best budget will end up not being adhered to. Why? For the love of all things holy, why? Because even though THE DRESS was number five on your Top 10, once you start trying them on and realize you prefer the $9,000 dress to the $2,000 dress, the budget will have to be reworked completely to compensate. Prepare to increase the budget or you will learn what “fighting like cats in a bag” means.

If your mother really wants a variety band over a DJ and you and your beloved could care less- let her pay for it. If your fiancé cannot not make it through the reception without a cigar bar and Scotch tasting- let him pay for it. Either way- I would NOT even attempt any of this without a consultant. She will keep you on track, as she is skilled in the formulation of a budget and the execution of events. As I said before, a reputable and professional planner will steer you in the direction to help manage the budget. For example, I got a call from a consultant I had worked with in New York City- she was trying to manage a New York-Saturday-evening-in-June budget. The photographer had quoted her $15,000 for photography. We both thought this was absurd- so she let me know how much they could afford to allocate for photography and booked me to do it. She was able to save the couple $8,000, which she immediately reallocated toward entertainment, as a variety band in New York City on a Saturday evening in June is ruinous to most budgets.

Consultants are So Very Clever.

I am a wealth of information on weddings, so don’t hesitate to ask- but don’t be surprised if every answer begins with- hire a consultant.

Be prepared for my tirade on the treatment of the Tiger Woods situation tomorrow. Basketball will have to wait.

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