Such a Tool

There is no doubt a woman’s mind is her sharpest tool. And, so there is no confusion- when I use the word "tool" I'm not talking about your ex-boyfriend or the dude in the next cubicle at work. The average man has amassed a virtual stockade of tools, many of which not even he knows the use for. While it's unnecessary for you to know how to use an auto-feed screw gun or an electric boring machine, you should know the basic hand tools by sight, own them and have a working knowledge of their uses. No, it does not mean you have to use them- ideally, the man in your space will say, “Oh, I could handle that if I had a wrench.” This will give you a great opportunity to say, “How weird, I just picked up a new household tool kit, don’t worry about it, I can do it later.” No self-respecting man is going to allow that, so not only will he do it for you, he will be vastly impressed by your tool kit- even if it is the wildly cool Apollo set in pink. This set screams girlie gir,l so be prepared for what you are advertising.

Now obviously the most important tool in the house is a wine opener, but because you already own one- or several- and know how to work it, I needn’t waste any time discussing it.

For the record, while a hammer is good for many things, opening wine when you are unable to locate the opener is not one of them.

The reason I am beginning our tool lesson with the hammer is because it was the first tool created. The earliest version of it was a stone cradled by fingers, which were so frequently smashed, necessity dictated innovation.

This is your garden-variety claw hammer. The face is what you will use to drive an object- usually a nail. While there are many different types of hammers, the claw hammer will manage most of the needs you confront in the home. If you elect not to purchase a household tool kit, but instead intend to select your tools individually, it is essential to find a well-constructed hammer that feels good in your hand. While it is common to acquire tools from family members, make certain you never use a hammer with a cracked or splitting handle- this could lead to injury more significant than a broken nail (the one on your hand, not the one you are trying to drive).

Common uses for a hammer are to hang pictures; the claw is designed to remove nails. Despite the myth created by Hollywood, the hammer is not an ideal weapon, primarly due to the proximity in which you would need to be to execute a fatal blow.

Pliers (not to be confused with men who ply women with alcohol in hopes of impairing their judgment in their favor) are used for gripping. A set of handles with jaws on the opposing end. There is a single pivot point that allows for the opening and closing of the jaws, using the handles. Same principle as scissors, but instead of cutting you are gripping, holding or removing. While there are myriad types of pliers, most varieties fall into one of two categories: slip-jointed (where the pivot area is adjustable so as to expand to fit the item being gripped or held) or solid-jointed (where the jaws expand to one size). As with an adjustable wrench, you can count on the solid-jointed pliers to be more stable and allow for better gripping power than the slip-jointed,

Also noteworthy are needle-nose pliers, which are generally a fixture in any household tool kit. These are less bulky and come to a point at the end, unlike common pliers, which are rounded and thick.

I will continue the tool section next week with the wrench and the screwdriver. You know, the drink with orange juice and vodka? Speaking of which, here is my favorite mimosa recipe to start off New Year's Day.

MIMOSA

As with most recipes, the key to flavor is the quality of the ingredients you use. I prefer to use freshly squeezed juices for my mimosas, but if you have neither the time nor the inclination you can use whatever your favorite store-bought brand might be. Oh, and don't get me wrong, I don't actually buy oranges and grapefruit and squeeze them- I buy it at Whole Foods or Central Market- YUM.


You will need:

Fresh-Squeezed Orange or Grapefruit Juice (Be very cautious making the mimosa with grapefruit, as it reacts with the Champagne. It will overflow- so mix slowly)

Champagne or Sparkling Wine: I like Mumm Napa Brut Sparkling Wine, as it's neither too sweet or cloying


Now- begin by filling the flute or wine glass with the sparkling wine. I like my mimosa very pale- more sparkling wine than juice- so I do a three-quarter glass of sparkling wine and one-quarter juice.
I know people who like a half glass of sparkling wine, a quarter juice and a splash of vodka. It's not for me, but for some.


It would seem appropriate tomorrow's post deal in some way with putting 2009 to bed and welcoming 2010 with clean sheets, ready and willing to embrace the wonders of the new year. I will include some recipes tomorrow for the big New Year's Day celebrations.


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