Not Funny

OK, not so Clever dude who e-mailed me complaining I have not been very funny lately. Being funny is about being timely. People who TRY to be funny ALL of the time are annoying. Jim Carey- Robin Williams. If I am feeling funny- you will know it. If I am moved by someone or something- you will hear it. If I am pissed off- you will hear it loud and clear and I MIGHT JUST PUT IT IN ALL CAPS and YES, YOU CAN ASSUME I AM YELLING. Combine tone with all caps and it can be extrapolated that I’m not just too lazy to move my left pinky 1/16 of an inch to click off the all caps button.

I need to preface this post by saying it is not funny or pleasant even and if your children do read CLEVER- you might want to read this first- and then paraphrase or keep it to yourself.

By the way- a great number of things really piss me off and I should touch on some of them soon. For example, for my three teenage “fans” (what I like to call readers), here is a lesson your parents are trying to teach you (I know that because I know your parents and know they are Very Clever). Perhaps a little more detail from a different voice might help.

Granted, we have moved beyond the exclusive purpose of intercourse (reproduction) and have learned it can be enjoyable as well. However, children likely do not possess the emotional, psychological or even physical maturity to make it meaningful in anyway (other than producing an unwanted or unmanageable pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease or even worse- AIDS. All of which are great consequences).

The media have left an indelible mark on each generation- where will it end? I’ve heard some really bad things lately and they REALLY PISS ME OFF- such as human trafficking- especially as it relates to the sexual exploitation of women (Clever Young Ladies- this is real and a very real threat). Part of this goes to the absolute depravity Holllywood is selling. Young people are becoming desensitized to real and impacting issues. Death for one. We are so used to hearing about it- it’s no longer scary.

This morning when some bobble-headed moron on Fox News was reporting the body of a missing 11-year-old girl was found at the Delaware border- she actually forgot to use a somber tone. Perhaps she didn’t read the report and only at the end realized a body and NOT a little girl had been found. The little girl was GONE- her life taken by a registered sex offender who was dating her aunt.

Why wasn’t this little girl protected? Shouldn’t that go hand in hand with the decision her mother made to have sex and have a baby? Protect your child? Don’t leave her with people who date registered SEX OFFENDERS? The point is- the reporter didn’t have the decency to be somber. It’s so run of the mill these days- listen to the news- every day a young girl or woman is victimized. Now, some theorize there isn’t a rise in the occurrence of such violations- but rather we have access to all the information. I am not sure I believe that. I think we do hear about it ALL now, but now it is sensationalized- and it is no longer impacting. Further, the victimization of children is taking on a “dime a dozen” feel. We have stopped being outraged. We now shake our heads and “tsk tsk.” That is unacceptable. People who perpetrate crimes against children are the most heinous and depraved of all who walk this earth. They need to be spared any type of trial or mercy.

These are crimes against CHILDREN, people- wake the freaking hell up! We have an obligation to protect young children- we have an obligation not to EXPLOIT THEM or let them EXPLOIT THEMSELVES. If your young daughter is wearing clothing that advertises something for which you think she is not yet ready- talk to her and find out why she thinks she should be wearing such garments. She will tell you EVERYONE wears this type of clothing- if you CARE, you should invest a little energy in learning who her EVERYONE is. Perhaps her group of friends might be a bit mature for her- or for you. Ignoring it and assuming it is normal is not the ANSWER.

What is wrong with letting little girls be little? Do we need high-heeled shoes for 2 and 3 year olds? Should we buy them dolls that look like sluts and act like BRATZ? In purchasing such things- you are condoning the LOOK and the BEHAVIOR. Don’t get me started on Jon-Benet Ramsey. Her parents got exactly what they deserved. They prostituted a little girl for their own selfish aggrandizement. Assuming (though I shouldn’t) one of them did not cut short the life of their only daughter themselves- they pranced her around like a prize-winning pony- like candy for pedophiles and perverts. What did they think was going to happen?

I was at a party last weekend and the 15-year-old daughter of a neighbor sauntered in. She headed straight to the kitchen, where the men were huddled, dissecting the bowl schedule. Her eyes were lined in black- her hair straight and damaged- a far too tight T-shirt reading “Naughty” clung to her. She lifted her shirt to show the MEN the belly button ring her parents had gifted her for Christmas. I had never seen the girl in my life, so I looked around to see what freaking idiot planned to take credit for the tramp in the kitchen. All of the women seemed confused- until the woman hosting the party explained to us that she was a friend of her daughter’s and the parents were on their way.

So- let’s recap. A 15 year old walks into a party of adults she does not know- she heads to the group of men in the kitchen and reveals her stomach and an age-inappropriate piercing. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She bounded out and headed upstairs where the children were.

One of the guys in the kitchen came over to his wife and said- “Go get Ashlynn, we are leaving.” I happened to know Ashlynn was 11 and likely to be influenced by the lack of regard the previously mentioned young lady (loose- and yes, she probably is) had for herself, her family and those around her.

I listened to the commentary around me- apparently many of the other women knew the parents of the “girl.”

“Well, that was her gift for getting a C in math.”

A C in math? Grades are required. When did we start offering bribes and rewards for such things that should be expected? Help around the house. Maintain a B average, be a productive member of the family. So, her parents (not sure much parenting is going on), rewarded a C with a belly button piercing.

“That’s nothing. Two months ago she got a tattoo on her hip bone for working out 20 days in a row.”

WHAT? What is the reward for not burning the house down?

“Well, her parents are really successful attorneys. They never did take out much time for her …”

As if that weren’t obvious by her overt attempts to acquire the attention of MEN. It was embarrassing for the MEN- embarrassing for the women and disgraceful all the way around.

Because I knew the woman hosting the party and know her family, I meandered over to her and inquired about this “friend” of Megan’s.

“Oh, she’s just going through a phase. She really is a sweet kid.” Proof my neighbor is NAÏVE.

I didn’t respond because it would sound judgmental, but what I wanted to say to her, and what I am saying here to you- Clever Young Ladies and Clever Parents- she is NOT going through a stage. This is it. Let’s call her Marie- because I never did learn her name- has figured out how to get attention she is sorely lacking. Her parents didn’t invest in her when she was young and now she has learned that any attention is good attention. No matter how regrettable the attention is- at least SOMEONE is giving it to her.

Marie is advertising something for which she might not be emotionally ready. In her quest for attention, she is advertising herself ready for sexual advances- not only from boys but from MEN- and there will be no shortage- from either.

These are the clues MEN look for when identifying young girls who are easy marks: chipped dark nail polish, too much make-up, hair that is colored unnaturally and not properly groomed, suggestive clothing and overt sexual or flirtatious behavior. Why? It means they are not monitored at home. Loving, involved, caring parents do NOT let their daughters walk around looking like street-walkers (literally). They demand proper grooming and hygiene. They evaluate age appropriate clothing- regardless of who else is wearing what or what celebrity is baring all. They know where their children are and with whom. They call the other parents when their children are visiting friends. They insist on Internet rules and regulations at home and the homes of their friends. They are involved. They look their children in the eye and tell them they love them. Clever Parents spend time with their children- teaching them, guiding them, letting them know they are loved. THAT is appropriate attention. Don’t send your little girls out there searching for it.

There are legitimate threats to our young daughters. Date rape, rape, molestation, kidnapping, human trafficking and sexual slavery. Clever Parents are NOT afraid to be unpopular, because it not only prepares children for life on their own but, it would seem, today- it might just keep them alive.

What is the future for Marie? Pregnant by 16, sexual partners numbering in the double digits. If she is supremely unlucky- her advertising will show up on the radar of a MAN who ends her life prematurely or sells her to someone in another country where she will have more “attention” than she knows what to do with. Those young women don’t get to come home. They get used up and thrown away like a pen that has run out of ink. It happens EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

To all of the parents of all of the “Marie’s”- WAKE UP. You made a decision to have a child. You have an obligation to PROTECT your children. If that means fighting every day over nail polish and clothing and behavior? So be it. They WILL thank you by graduating from high school and college, getting a job and starting a family. If you decide it’s easier to let them do what they want- you will be the parent saying –

“I have no idea how this happened. She comes from a good home. We love our daughter.” Sadly, it will be at her funeral if they recover a body and a memorial if not. SHAME ON YOU.

OK- I am promising some levity this week, but realllly had to speak my mind on that. Disgusting display. It’s all around us. I will be taking Thursday and Friday off- so count on one more hockey post and I’ll see if I can’t think of something funny to say.