OK, Clever Girls, there is one thing you can count on- watching football comes with a lot of lingo and terminology. Understanding the words being thrown around helps to increase your enjoyment of a game you are coming to LOVE.
The important thing here is that unless you have actually played football - and I am not talking about the Thanksgiving Day excuse for grab-ass- you will be challenged, so be cautious and prepared to stand behind your assertions.
I cannot stress this enough- NO ARGUING. It is So Very unappealing to men to be challenged on sports. Always end your "statement" with a question like tone? "It was the Cowboys that year?"- that way you are not saying "No way- the Cowboys won." It sounds better and defers to him in front of the other dudes.
Terminology
Clipping- connecting with the back of an opponent’s legs or hitting him from behind below the waist while coming from behind. Be careful declaring this as there are exceptions and someone will be more than happy to debunk your theory.
Dead ball- a ball not in play.
Double foul- a foul for each team during the same down.
Down- a period of action that begins when the ball is put into play and stops when the ball is dead. These control the movement of the ball.
Fair catch- a member of the receiving team signals, by way of one arm extended overhead and waving from side to side that he intends to catch a ball. This wards off the defense.
Foul- a violation of the rules by either side.
Fumble- the loss of possession (carrier MUST have possession for this to be a fumble) of the ball. If the ball is stripped, it is forced from the hands or arms of the carrier.
Live ball- a ball that has been either free kicked or snapped legally. The ball is live until it is dead.
Loose ball- a ball not in possession by any player.
Muff- (less raunchy than you think) the touching of the ball in an unsuccessful attempt to possess a loose ball.
Neutral zone- is a space the length of the ball between the two lines of scrimmage. Both teams must remain behind their end of the ball until it is snapped.
Offside- is when any part of a player’s body is beyond his scrimmage or free kick line when the ball is snapped or kicked. This is a favorite term for guys to bandy about because it happens ALL of the time and they look really informed when they yell- "offsides."
Possession- a player is in possession when he controls the ball after clearly touching both feet or any other part of his body other than his hands to the ground inbounds.
Punt- a kick made when the player drops the ball and kicks it while it’s dropping.
Roughing the passer- hitting the QB with unnecessary force after the ball is released.
Hail Mary- a long pass in hopes of scoring- usually in a tight scoring situation (this usually occurs in bars at 1:30 a.m.)
Shot gun- the QB takes a long snap, giving him more time to evaluate the post-snap play.
Sudden death- the continuation of a tie game until one team or the other scores.
The Divisions
The National Football League is divided into two conferences: the National Football Conference and the American Football Conference. Each have several divisions. It is critical to know which division your home team plays for and what division his favorite team plays in. This is where the iPhone gets really handy. In a bar, see a dude with a Giants hat on- pull out the phone- go to NFL.com and look up the team. Never a better time to be So Very Clever!
AFC
AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers, Cleveland Browns, Baltimore Ravens and Cincinnati Bengals
AFC East: New England Patriots, Buffalo Bills, New York Jets and Miami Dolphins.
AFC South: Indianapolis Colts, Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans and Houston Texans
AFC West: San Diego Chargers, Denver Broncos, Oakland Raiders and Kansas City Chiefs
NFC
NFC North: Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions, Chicago Bears and Minnesota Vikings
NFC East: Dallas Cowboys, New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles and Washington Red Skins
NFC South: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Florida Panthers, New Orleans Saints and Atlanta Falcons
NFC West: Seattle Seahawks, St. Louis Rams, San Francisco 49ers and Arizona Cardinals
The Playoffs
At the end of regular season play, the six teams in each conference with the best record enter the playoffs. These are elimination tournaments in that in each matchup - who ever loses is eliminated. When the playoffs are finished, one team from each conference heads to the Super Bowl.
Bowl Games
Unlike college football, which has as many bowl games as there are corporate sponsors, the NFL has two. The Super Bowl began in 1967, which means 2008 marked the 42nd Super Bowl on February 3, when the New York Giants defeated the New England Patriots. This is the football version of Clash of the Titans, when the NFC champion competes against the AFC champion for the title of Super Bowl Champion and the Vince Lombardi Trophy.
The first Super Bowl took place January 15, 1967, at Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, Calif., and the Green Bay Packers were victorious over the Kansas City Chiefs. A Clever Girl would commit the last five winners to memory. Remember, I am not giving you this information to "quiz" men or to show off. Use it with caution. Note powerhouses Patriots and Steelers. They are two of the winningest teams in Super Bowl history.
The Dallas Cowboys have the most appearances with 8- a record of 5-3.
The Steelers have the winningest record with 6-1.
The Patriots are 3-3- destined to improve on that percentage with a healthy Tom Brady at the helm.
XXXVIII
New England Patriots over Carolina Panthers
XXXIX
New England Patriots over Philadelphia Eagles
XL
Pittsburgh Steelers over Seattle Seahawks
XLI
Indianapolis Colts over Chicago Bears
XLII
New York Giants over New England Patriots
XLIII
Pittsburgh Steelers over Arizona Cardinals
XLIV
New Orleans Saints over Indianapolis Colts
The next Super Bowl will be played February 6, 2011, at the new Cowboy Stadium in Dallas.
Pro Bowl
Since 1980, fans, players and coaches have voted to elect players to report to an all-star game in the Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii, where the best of the AFC and the best of the NFC are matched up.
Important Events in Football (make other plans)
Depending on the level of enthusiasm your guy has for football, you should recognize and perhaps vacate the premises on the following days. I am giving you advanced notice so you do not whine or complain. Make plans with the girls and suggest a draft party- prepare some snacks and then take off.
Scouting Combine- in February, NFL personnel gathers to watch as perspective NFL players are run through six days of rigorous and challenging drills. It’s a chance for the hopefuls to show off and get picked up.
The Draft- in April, the NFL begins the acquisition of the players ending their college careers and beginning their NFL careers. This event generally takes place over two days and seven rounds of selections. Each team makes a selection in each round (NOTE: draft picks are often a commodity traded during the season for the acquisition of a key player), beginning with the team with the worst record and ending with the winner of the Super Bowl.
Training Camp- begins in July and the teams semi-publicly begin to train as a unit.
Pre-season- I know what you are thinking- "Aren’t there enough games during the actual season?" No. Consider yourself lucky if your man is a football fan instead of a hockey or baseball fan- there are only 16 regular season games in football compared to the 183 in baseball.
The Season opener- now associated with the saying- "Are you ready for some football?" The answer from your man will be a wistful "Yes," the response from you might be "Aren't we done with football season?" but if you love him, you are going to have to buck up and be a good- you guessed it, sport.
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