Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Hockey & Cigars- YUM

I need to warn you going in- this is going to be a potpourri-esque post. So much to say and So Very little space to do so. First of all, my second favorite hockey player in history, Steve Yzerman, just became a hired gun. Oh, I get it- he said he wanted to be a general manager and he knew it wouldn’t happen in the city in which he spilled blood for nearly 20 years- so he allowed the Tampa Bay Lightning to lure him. Detroit and Michigan have lost so much in the past five to 10 years- I don’t know if we can sustain another blow. My friend Bev might not make it- thank goodness she has a son to keep her going.

OMGOSH- Clever Girls- the Stanley Cup finals are upon us, and soon, the NBA finals as well. For the record- I’m deeply torn as to my pick for the Cup. I love both teams. My heart lies in the Western Conference, but both teams have ended up with boys from Detroit on the roster. One of my favorite Detroit-area men, Darien Hatcher, went from the Dallas Stars to the Detroit Red Wings before ending his career (far too early) in Philadelphia. Former Wing Keith Primeau also retired from the Flyers. Bob Probert went FROM the Red Wings to the Blackhawks and from the Hawks to the Red Wings is legend Chris Chelios. See? I am deeply conflicted. Arrrggg. I have not made up my mind. I must say, I do LOVE Chris Pronger- one of the biggest men in the league. He has been around- from the Hartford Whalers to the St. Louis Blues and now a Flyer.

The point to all this back-and-forthing is this: It is time for you ladies to be So Very Clever. Let me share for you an experience from the other night and let's see if we can’t parlay it into a victory for you.

I was at the Ritz in Dallas, a place I absolutely adore, and dining next to me were 10 people. Nine men and one woman. This was not an unattractive woman by any means, but she was having one HELL of a time trying to break into the conversation. She would try and fail- over and over and over. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but I assume it was of NO interest to the men, as they didn’t let her get a word in edgewise. Now, I am thinking this was a business dinner as all were in business attire- modest and decidedly disappointing for an evening with Dean Fearing at Fearing's.

When it was time for cocktails- they guys ordered martinis and scotch- but the woman ordered a glass of white wine. What would I have done differently? That is a great question. I'd have told the waiter I was going to wait a moment before I decided and then when the cocktails began to arrive- I'd inquire as to what each man were drinking. If they say- "Scotch." I'd ask- "Single malt?" If he offers a simple yes, I say "Which one?" When he tells me- I say, "Oh, I’ve never tried that. May I?"

I'd ask a ton of questions- ask to try other drinks and finally ask one of the guys to suggest something for me- and whether I liked it or not- I would drink it.

I'd ask who'd dined at Fearing's before and what they recommended. Dinner with nine men is no time to be a wallflower- and if you are and if you are committed to being one- decide early this is your chosen path and stop trying to break into the conversation. If you have not yet become Clever and if you have not gained any confidence here- if you have not yet sampled the male realm- NOW is your chance.

Assuming this dinner was not a complete surprise- from her purse she could have pulled 10 reasonably priced cigars, a cutter and a lighter. "They have a fantastic patio here. Any takers? I couldn’t resist- I was on my way here and a light stopped me in front of a cigar shop advertising hand rolled with a Connecticut wrapper. I thought you all deserved the best." She'd have been the bell of the ball- I promise. A few pointed comments about the NBA and NHL playoffs or about the NCAA investigation into USC football would have caught ear after ear.

A So Very Clever Girl would already know how to light a cigar after reading Friday’s post and light her own first. It’s OK to pick one that is So Very MILD or even flavored- the point is you have one between your lips and EVERYONE is looking. How fantastic is that? The spotlight is yours for the asking. You don't need a lightning rod- a cigar will do just fine.

Now- let's say she didn’t have time to pick up any cigars- this is a last minute dinner with nine men. I’m almost certain one of them will request a cigar menu after dinner. It’s a male bonding thing- especially in business.

Here is the information you need to start chatting up THE name brands.

You are unlikely to find a restaurant with a cache of the elusive Cuban and as we discussed before- Cubans are not only restricted in this country, but a certain mineral content in the soil gives them a most unique and pleasing flavor- addictive to many.

Fuente- makers of some of the finest cigars in the world- the coveted OpusX. The likelihood of finding one in a restaurant is slim. There are a few online resources claiming to have some, but I've not seen one in real life. Plan to pay between $30 and $80 retail and $80 and $120 in a high-end restaurant.

Cuesta-Rey- once an independent, now rolled by A. Fuente. These boast the ultra-fine Connecticut wrapper with mild to medium body Dominican filler aged about five years.

The Hemingway Signature, Masterpiece and the Short Story are all limited production cigars and will be difficult to find as well.

A five-year aged Montesino will be pleasing to even the most discerning cigar smoker.

Until recently, Altadis, of Spain, claimed to sell the most expensive cigar at approximately $420 retail. However, Gurkha has trumped Altadis with "His Majesty’s Reserve"- the filler of which is saturated with a generous amount of Louis XIII cognac. This little number will run you about $750.

There are literally hundreds of brands and blends and flavors- but the ones listed above will prick the ears of any smoker in the know.

So Very Clever Girls- I'm giving you plenty of time to plan for this one. Pick an upcoming game and if he is heading out with the guys- stop at a cigar shop and pick up enough high quality cigars to go around. Don’t forget some cedar sticks and/or a butane lighter and a good cutter.

If they are staying in- set up a PARTY and vacate. Stock the fridge with beer for during the game- make some heavy snacks (check out So Very Clever in the Kitchen for some great gameday recipes or stop at Hooters or Buffalo Wild Wings for take-out). Purchase enough cigars to go around- get at least one cigar ashtray for outside (where you want them to smoke), a good cutter and a butane lighter or two. They do make lovely gift sets- try Xikar.com- leave it with a card telling him to have a hell of a good time.

If he doesn’t already own a nice set of highball glasses- get enough to go around and one or two of the following:

Honduran rum, single malt Scotch (they do make cigar scotch), cognac or some good red wine (the deeper the better). Oh, and make sure there is a wine opener and some fresh ice.

I promise- you will be given a standing ovation whether you are there or not. This will launch your So Very Clever Guy’s Girl status into orbit.

If you are in the Dallas area- check out http://www.cigarbutler.com/ for some fantastic cigars hand rolled by my friend Sabino. He and Alex gave me some great info for both cigar posts.

I'll keep you posted (blogging humor- bad blogging humor) on the NHL and NBA, and we need to get into some weddings. I'm thinking of running a contest/promotion. Anyone interested?


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