Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Fracas in MLB? Hey, it Happens

OK, Clever Girls- I may have oversimplified baseball a bit. I didn’t mean for it to sound as if it was all roses and sunshine. There are moments when tempers flare and it has gotten UGLY.

Let me tell you what I mean after we cover some terms that might come up.

Balk- a motion by the pitcher (illegal) that results in a runner or a batter advancing a base.

Base coach- a member of the offense positioned at a base (there is one at first and third) who is there specifically to advise the runners. You see, it gets a bit frantic and it’s tough to see what is happening with the ball in play without breaking stride- so, you will often see a runner look at the base coach or put their head down and listen to the orders. When you are running- focus and momentum is important, and for that reason, the base coaches are invaluable.

Batter’s box- the area where the batter will reside during his time at bat before he advances to first base or is struck out.

Bunt- when the batter connects the bat with the ball without actually swinging. Often times you will see him hold it at either end and then tap at the ball. There are many reasons to bunt, the most important of which is to orchestrate better run position.

Double play- when the defense is able to throw or tag two runners out in one play. Following that logic- a triple play would be three runners out in one play.

Infield fly rule- I'm not going to get into this because it’s one of the guys favorite things to explain. If you hear the term tossed about, which you will, ask someone to elucidate after the play has concluded.

On deck- the batter who will bat after the current batter.

In the hole- the batter who is third up.

Now, there are statistics that matter in baseball and are thrown around constantly. Some are merely abbreviations- but a Clever Girl knows what they mean and doesn’t try to argue unless she is CERTAIN. Even then, arguing is tres unappealing.

ERA- Earned run average

RBI- Runs batted in

Batting average- the number of hits divided by the number of at bats. A batting average higher than .300 is considered excellent- and one higher than .400 is nearly unattainable.

Now- what gets these guys HOT under the collar? Mmm. A great number of things- intentional line drives (fast and hard directional hit) by the batter to hit the pitcher (allegedly) ... arguing a pitch or a base call with the umpire (virtually pointless) ...

I’d say the number one thing that causes a bench-clearing brawl is an intentional or wild pitch that hits a batter. First, the batter charges the mound (where the pitcher lives) and, normally, the first baseman takes off around the same time, meeting the batter and taking up for the pitcher.

You need to understand- a pitcher’s arm is like a surgeon’s hands. He generally is not excited to swing at anyone, unless he’s Nolan Ryan defending himself against Robin Ventura. In hockey, this is why Mike Modano has such a great smile- people don’t GET to him. He has defenders. Same is true for the pitcher.

First you have the dude who instigates (usually batter or runner). Halfway to the mound he’s realizing (you can see the pause generally) moving forward is going to cause him to be seriously outnumbered in a hurry and not moving forward will cause him to be subject to ridicule in the locker room.

The hootie haw between youngster Ventura, who thought he was going to show his elder a thing or two in 1993, and Ryan is close to my favorite- but I have a few others.

The Chan Ho Park karate kick gone wrong when Tim Belcher receives the embarrassing excuse for a roundhouse and lands Chan Ho square on his ass.

I must say the 2001 Alcantara back kick to the catcher before he rushed the pitcher was wild and he should probably have been admitted into a psych ward after- you just don’t DO that in baseball. It was calculated. Baseball fights usually are somewhat reluctant. When they aren’t, you wonder if the dude is actually living a second life as a street thug. Like, where did you learn those moves? Oh, yeah- this was not an MLB game and now we probably know where Izzy is now. Street fighter. Maybe we can look forward to a celebrity matchup pitting him against Tonya Harding.

My favorite fracas of all time (Why is it always Detroit?) 2000 Sox vs. Tigers. This melee resulted in the most suspensions in one game in MLB history. Sixteen players, coaches and managers were suspended and, like, 10 others were fined. Fantastic. What a mess.

I think some of these are on YouTube.com- but most of the best footage was proprietary so it’s been taken down. There might be the random "fan" footage.

OK- over and out. I have to get back to working on some practical magic. Apparently, I caused a nosebleed earlier when I was trying to create an embarrassing "word salad" situation for someone during a meeting. I need to consult Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock- I'm doing something wrong.

In the meantime- I need to come up with a great vocabulary word with which to befuddle people tomorrow. Being So Very Clever requires So Very Much Effort.

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