I was thinking about the book "Skinny Bitch" today- and I’ve already made clear I thought it was absurd and profane. First of all, if you need to speak like Jenny McCarthy to get your point across- ask yourself- who is your audience (idiots) and what does that do to your credibility (you no longer have any)?
Now, don’t misunderstand- I am a big fan of swearing- even the "F" word manages to work it’s way into conversation too often- but guess what? There is something called having a "sense of occasion"- an extension of the concept "a time and a place." I do not drop the big "F" in conversation with people I’ve just met- at meetings, during a contract negotiation or at church. I even mitigate the use of profanity around my "elders" unless they are family members because, frankly, how do you think I learned how to swear?
Actually, there's a rumor in our family that other little kids would come to the door when my brother was 3 and ask if he could come out and swear. Knowing my brother, I’d say this was less urban legend and more "classic" behavior on his part. So, as you see, swearing, like drinking, runs in my family- but so does knowing when not to swear (except my brother- he never did get the "sense of occasion" memo).
Swearing aside, where this book is concerned, it’s an additional matter of what is "attractive" to hear coming out of a woman’s mouth. And this also goes to graphic sexual talk. It simply isn’t appealing to me to listen to a woman attempt to get attention by being blatantly sexual, spew bathroom humor or gossip. Not Clever. Clever Girls are not afraid to discuss sex, but they wear a conversational veil- they allude, they are charming, not profane (at least not in public). I have gotten off task here.
If you are writing a book about nutrition and you are a former "model"- and I’m just rambling here- would it be a better idea to rely on clinical data and personal experience rather than a foul-mouthed litany aimed at your audience who, incidentally, were hoodwinked into buying your book?
I’m a fairly educated reader and eater. I bought the book because I’m a sucker for packaging, and I must say, I was totally disappointed. These girls took an almost impossible notion of dietary stricture, stood in an ivory tower and read it like a personal indictment crafted by Chelsea Handler.
It is crude and states clearly- "eat shit, be shit"- and for two women, they do talk an awful lot about, well, bathroom conduct. At any rate- not ingesting sodium, cholesterol, fat, sugar, meat, animal products in any form, alcohol or any type of drug is not a lifestyle that will resonate with too many people. I get it, though- you might end up skinny, but you will no doubt be a complete BITCH because you have deprived yourself every single possible culinary joy in life.
So, for the couple million people who purchased this book thinking there was a way to become "skinny"- disappointment abounds. All anyone really did get out of it was- hmm, maybe they should go back to being "models" because they are not going to be able to push that agenda on the public with their "Devil Wears Prada"-esque cover sketch. I’m pissed I bought it. Thought there was something groundbreaking in it. When are we going to stop buying predigested rhetoric? Let me save you $20 bucks and a verbal lashing.
Everything in moderation.
Exercise.
Watch your intake of refined sugar and bleached flour.
Try not to eat processed foods.
Avoid fast food.
Avoid soda.
Take in 64 ounces of water daily.
Limit caffeine.
Pick lean meat over fatty meat.
Add green tea to your diet.
Eat plenty of deep colored vegetables.
Increase whole- and multi-grain starches.
There you have it- yet, I didn’t swear, overload you with references to what goes on in the restroom or even try to gross you out with detailed descriptions of slaughterhouses and chicken processing plants. Do you really need to GROSS some one INTO living a healthy life? Or swear at them? Maybe- but if you do, your audience is in question.
The above are the things you may not know- below are the things you DO know.
Smoking is bad for you.
Abusing drugs is a bad idea.
Drinking to excess can cause you to wake up with someone you’d normally avoid like Ebola (oh, and the empty calories end up in the least flattering places).
Habitually sitting on your butt all day eating processed food is an indication you lead an unhealthy lifestyle.
Now, we all have vices. Mine is probably drinking, though I like to call it a hobby rather than a vice. I must reiterate- everything in moderation. You might recall me telling you the Clever initiative will never be ME telling YOU what NOT to do (unless the subject of gladiator-esque footwear comes up)- I prefer to help encourage you to DO.
If you smoke, do drugs or drink to excess- or hell, even sit on the couch and eat ice cream all day- you are doing your body, mind and spirit (and possibly those in your life) a disservice. Find a more productive way to spend your time. Break records of the past and start anew. It’s never a bad time to say "moving forward, all things new."
Let’s find something NEW. If you don’t cook, maybe it’s because you don’t know how fun- or relaxing- it can be. Cooking is a great way to manage your caloric intake, bond with a friend or lover, provide for others and yourself. Nourish yourself- don’t fill your temple with garbage. It’s unsightly.
I swear, if what we were doing to our insides were evidenced on our faces- people might not do it. Imagine smoking causing huge black splotches on your face, or eating fast food created pockets of fat on your nose, chin or forehead, or doing meth caused severe break-outs (oh, it does). Maybe it’s not healthy to put household cleaner in your body. Actually, I think there is a disclaimer on the bottle of Drano that says for external use only- hmm, weird.
Common sense, people. You don’t need a book called "Skinny Bitch" or "Skinny Bastard" to yell at you. And honestly? Who wants to be called a bitch or a bastard? Me, I guess, because I bought the book.
OK, we will check in with the playoffs and MLB this week. I need to do a wedding post and a parenting post, and I’m still packing the verbal canon I plan to aim at bullies.
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