Ok Clever Tribe, enough fun and games- it’s time to get serious for about three pages. I had the opportunity to spend time with a young woman named Christin a couple of weeks ago when I was guest speaking at a college. When I try to describe her the word comprehensive leaps to my finger tips. She shattered some notions I have been holding onto lately and for that I am grateful.
As a student in her very early 20s, I expected what seems common with most in that age bracket- apathy, lack of focus and a fading if not non-existent sense of values. So Very Clever Christin heartened me. During lunch I got to know her and was shocked by the fact she was an instrument-rated pilot who was shifting gears to explore more artistic aspects of her personality. I think I foisted a photography lesson on her, but in the end, she latched right onto the knowledge I imparted- never saying "I know" once- and then applied it- correctly.
I took the opportunity to inquire as to the issues people her age were finding a source of stress- beyond graduation and the dismal job market and economy. What she had to say shocked me. Things I didn’t expect to hear. In round terms, she expressed concern for what seemed a lack of self-respect in women her age. You could have slapped me in the face and I’d likely not have noticed. This got me thinking.
In the early 90s, Suan Faludi wrote a book called "Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women." It was assigned reading for my first ever women’s studies class. I need to be clear I was goaded into this class by a very Clever girl named Ann Marie- who thought my views of feminism were unfounded and based on what she called cultural ignorance.
This pissed me off. We got into a huge and rather raucous fight in mixed company- I was put on the spot and enrolled in Women’s Studies for the Culturally Illiterate. It didn’t take me long to find out she was correct. I was ignorant as to the articulation of feminism.
When the feminist movement was articulated formally, it was as simple as equal rights and equal pay (not too much to ask), and now, to be a feminist, you are labeled a man-hating, ball-busting bitch or lesbian. I would caution anyone holding fast to such a perception. I know many male feminists- including a Very Clever professor I had in college named Dr. McCornack. Honestly, few voices are heard louder than male triumphing female.
In addition to many other assertions, Faludi questioned whether there was a calculated plan to undermine the progress women had made by increasing the value of looks and sex?
In a cultural environment overwrought with sexual messages and fictitious depictions of work environments, what are young women supposed to think? I don’t really have to apply myself- I’m hot and that is all that matters. I don’t have to worry about my GPA, the econ prof wants to have sex with me. The "casting couch" has broadened its appeal to middle school, high school, college,and the work environment. I have a friend who coaches girls' basketball at a middle school. He said he is under fire at all times by sexually aggressive girls. He is never not with another adult and NEVER speaks to a student alone. Really? There are constant accusations regarding his "conduct" and that of his assistant coach- often following discipline. The accusations would shock you- or not.
I got paddled by a male teacher in fifth grade and no one thought that was inappropriate. For the record, I didn’t deserve it and it might have warped me a bit. Did my abject hatred for this man cause me to go to the principle and say he tried to … NO! Why? Because it never occurred to me- there weren’t the same messages influencing young people back then. You did wrong (which I didn’t) and you were punished- often corporally- and no one thought much about it. Why? We were taught there were consequences for our actions and they might be severe. Did a grown man need to paddle a little girl who didn’t weigh 100 pounds? NO.
That is what the environment was like 20 years ago- which is not to say there weren’t "bad girls." We had those no doubt and while the "good girls" longed to be as cool- we knew the consequences. There was something called a reputation and you didn’t want a bad one. You didn’t delight in thoughts of being locker room fodder or the subject of conversation behind your back. You didn’t accuse a teacher of touching you inappropriately after you received a poor grade on a test. You didn’t call the character of a teacher into question because you were angry.
So, all that to say this: Are we experiencing a backlash? Is the media-imposed version of acceptable behavior for women causing us to lose ground? I will not assert Hollywood is responsible for the behavior of individuals, BUT, when the primary cultural influence for young women is the media and HOLLYWOOD- how are they to glean anything else?
Young girls in Texas are getting kicked out of the most prestigious middle and high schools for the content they are posting on social media sites, for the imagery they are creating on their cell phones and sending to boys. Children are falling into the traps of Internet predators due to their desire to start exercising their emerging sexuality (sexuality I see emerging far too early). Middle school girls with e-mail addresses like hotmama25@.....com (oblivious as to how that is received by the reader), middle school children being so influenced by the sexual media they are literally stealing their parents credit cards and buying Internet porn. Don’t get me wrong, the porn pushers are so very clever in that they know what the kids will be searching for- Hermione from "Harry Potter"- and they find creative ways to lure the kids to their sites. Once there, what they can see is beyond what I’ve seen and I’m 100 years old.
What is the answer? How do we let young women know their looks, their sexuality or their body will only take them so far? Likely, in the process of using the above to achieve their goals, they WILL run into trouble, resistance and eventually a recognition of the fact they are nothing more than a joke, a party favor to be passed around, used up, spent and wishing they’d kept a little something for themselves. Sadly, now everyone knows they are quick to use sex as commerce and are willing to debase themselves on a daily basis to get what they want.
I am sad to say this is not a problem limited to the "hot" girls. Why? The girls who are not "hot" feel even more pressure to compete and are willing to give themselves away to get attention. Is this really the attention we want- Clever Young Ladies? If you’re an idiot- and have nothing else going for you than your gorgeous face and hot body- use it, but enjoy the ride because it will be used, abused and thrown away time and time and time again. However, if you have more to offer and desire to be more Clever- you will put your nose to the grindstone, learn, grow, respect yourself, respect others, allow yourself to be guided by trusted adults and turn into a well rounded, competent, comprehensive young woman. If you are attractive- you might have an advantage- but you won’t be taken advantage of.
Clever Christin is setting the stage for the rest of her life by learning and growing as a woman- aligning with adults she admires and trusts. Christin is creating and cultivating relationships- these will be more long-lasting and valuable to her than the girls finding their way to the boardroom through the bedroom door.
It had to be said. If I see one more picture of a 13-year-0ld girl on MySpace or Facebook taken in her underwear and bra in the mirror with an iPhone- I am going to PUKE. Grow up! Slowly. Use your head- those images are going to be around for your lifetime.
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