Clever Girls are Always Prepared

Hello, Clever Tribe- I am finally getting over my sickness and am ready to get back to it. In my travels to Pennsylvania, I decided to do some experimenting. I traditionally avoid conversing with others on planes- as I really don’t enjoy chit-chat or small talk and generally have far too much to do to engage in light and pointless banter. That said, I picked up a few magazines at the bookstore prior to my flight- research material.

Once I boarded the plane and got settled in, I began my post on blogging and soon became lost in thought. The gentleman next to me quickly cycled through the SkyMall magazine and I could tell he was gearing up to engage me in conversation. I was nose to the grindstone so I reached into my bag and offered him my magazines.

“Would you like to read any of these?”

He was tentative, assuming I was offering him Cosmopolitan and Vogue, so he reached out slowly. I then flipped them over to reveal Road & Track, Guns & Ammo and Men’s Fitness.

“Where did you get these?”

“At the bookstore.”

“Are they yours?”

“Yes.”

“You carry them with you?”

“For when my battery dies.”

He eyed me circumspectly, looking for an Adam’s apple and upon finding no evidence I was actually a man he debated continuing our exchange or reading. I knew I was in control of the situation. If I turned back to my computer and legal pad, he’d abandon thoughts of talking to me. If I met his curious gaze, we’d talk until we got to Pittsburgh. I decided to get to work because I had neglected you all for so very long due to my illness.

He settled in and couldn’t help looking at the screen, but I refused to give him an opportunity to speak. It was then I realized this was a fantastic way for Clever Girls to practice their new conversational skills. Keeping in mind, we are not trying to parlay this little instance into marriage, simply to see how much we have learned and how interesting we have become to men.

So, my advice is to keep a couple “men’s” magazines in your briefcase or computer bag- try not to let them become over a couple months old. If you are on a plane next to a man and are without work to do, test drive your skills. Do as I did and ignite a conversation, but please make sure you have read at least a portion of the magazines so you can justify why you have them.

“I am looking to buy a handgun and wanted to do some research. Do you have one?”

“I am thinking of beginning a new training routine and noticed there was an article in Men’s Fitness on kettlebells.”

“My brother is suffering from fatigue and I wanted to read up on some new high energy foods in Men’s Health."

Whatever you have to say, if it's in the male realm and you invite him to speak, it will likely lead to a good conversation. Don’t forget to circumnavigate back to him with questions if you are stuck. “What do you think about …” is a great way to avoid being cornered or being exposed as a greenhorn.

In a different situation, waiting for a friend, or associate, being eyed reading Road & Track is a great way to get attention.

Now, on the second leg of my travels I had an entirely different experience. I was seated next to a 30-something woman who was totally put together. Suit, fantastic matching heels and attache, French manicure, freshly trimmed hair and expertly applied make-up. She was frantically texting up until the minute she was chastised and then her leg began to bounce furiously. I could see her gazing longingly at her computer, which she would not be allowed to use for at least a half hour, as we were “in line” for take off.

I reached into my bag and pulled out the magazines.

“Would you like to read one of these?”

She perused my offerings and I could see her vacillate between being polite and total disinterest in the subject matters in my hand.

“Where did you get these?”

“From my bag?”

“I mean, why do you have them?”

“I needed them to do some research, but have some stuff to do before I jump in.”

She took the magazines and gazed at them wondering what in the world I could be “researching” and why. I evaluated the situation and realized you’d all understand if my blogging post was late. This was going to get interesting.

“Research for what?”

“Oh, I’m a writer.”

“What do you write? I mean, why do you need these?” She said it as if I’d handed her a box of used Band-Aids.” A little repelled and a lot confused.

“I am working on a series of books and have a blog that is helping to establish a platform for the concept.”

“Oh, really? My friend has a blog about parenting.” Of course she does- who doesn’t? “I haven’t really read it- I don’t have kids and, well, might never get around to it.”

“No interest?”

“Oh, plenty of interest- just don’t feel like visiting a sperm bank. I guess I’m old-fashioned. Thought I might meet someone.”

“What’s the problem? With meeting someone?”

“Mmm. I can’t seem to find anyone I’m compatible with.”

“Really? What was your last date like?”

“A disaster. I was fixed up by my sister-in-law. I guess because she's married to my brother she thinks she knows me, so she set me up with a close friend.”

“And?”

“Eek. We were completely opposed politically, he's a detective and I'm a defense attorney- can’t really be a worse combination. He seemed offended by me from the get-go.”

“Really? Why’s that?”

“He thought I was too uptight, made some jokes about me being the only woman in work attire at 8 p.m. As soon as I told him what I did for a living, things got heated. Oh, and he asked me why I’d never been married- as if I had Ebola.”

I laughed. She was funny but really upset.

“So, he’s a cop, he probably carries a gun.”

“What?”

“A gun. Did you know what he did for a living before you met?”

“Of course.”

“Were you interested in meeting him- I mean before he arrived?”

“Yes, very. I’d seen a picture and he was so handsome- great smile, divorced with no children.”

“Hmm. You were politically opposed?”

“Not really now that I think about it. I said I was in my Sarah Palin outfit for court- and he seemed offended. I got offended and, well, it was unpleasant after that. As a matter of fact, I think he faked a phone call so he could skip dinner.”

“I wonder what kind of gun he carries.” I took the Guns & Ammo from her and began to leaf through it. “Ever fire a handgun?”

“No. I live alone, near St. Louis, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”

“Hmm. Seems like you could have read through a magazine like this and then asked him what he used for work and if he had any advice.”

I could actually see the light bulb above her head when she smiled at me.

“Why didn’t I think of that? Come to think of it- I don’t think we talked about him at all. I felt like he was attacking me.” She sat back for a few long moments and I returned to my computer. After awhile, I noticed her reading over my shoulder- normally I detest this but knew she was curious. I brought up the Clever site I had in my dock and began to read a previous post.

“Hey, that’s you,” she said with a smile, pointing at the sketch on the screen.

“Yes, well, a reasonable representation I hope.”

“Is that your blog?” I nodded.

“I just saw something in that magazine that made me want to fact check my post on handguns.”

“You did a post on handguns? What do you write?” I explained the Clever initiative to her and she sat, mouth agape.

“None of this ever occurred to me. My gosh, I'm self-centered and boring,” she exclaimed.

“Not at all, maybe you need to be more Clever.” I smiled and returned to my writing, and she settled in to devour all three magazines. I was like a proud parent when she pulled out a legal pad of her own and made some notes. I looked over at one point and this is what I saw in her notes.

Look into- kettlebell training, hot yoga and green tea.

Find- firing range and a good sports bar close to home (make it your new favorite place to grab a BEER).

Rent- "Shawshank Redemption," "Behind Enemy Lines" and "The Longest Yard" (guest appearance by Dan Patrick- formerly of ESPN SportsCenter).

I have really high hopes for her. She latched onto the Clever concept like a drowning man to a floatation device. This girl is So Very Clever- she GETS it. She is shifting her entire paradigm and getting to work. Her world is about to get So Very Exciting.

OK- a number of you have asked me about Tiger’s speech. I am still thinking- give me a few days to ruminate. There is some really interesting scandal about to happen with USC- I’ll let you Clever Girls know what you NEED to know to broach a conversation with a college football devotee (we are in a college football drought so I will continue to feed you items to look up and create opinions about).

We need to check in with the NHL, and the one thing I am sure of is that I am tired of seeing Wayne Gretzky’s face at the Olympics. Don’t get me wrong- he’s one of the best to put a stick to ice- but I wonder how the scandal regarding his wife was swept under the table. I’ll give you some insight into that. I looked all over Pittsburgh and could NOT locate Mario Lemieux. Forgot to let him know I was coming- Not CLEVER.

Ann Marie, one of the most Clever and beautiful women I know, engaged me in a fascinating discussion about marriage. More on that later.

If you are actively planning a wedding, check out articles here and here.