Blah Blah Blogging

I must apologize for my absence and want to say thank you so much to everyone for the kind well wishes I received via Twitter (I really need to figure that out- or make sense of it or ... someone HELP me- not CLEVER, I am aware) and via e-mail.

I cannot say I am well, but after hovering at the precipice of pneumonia for a week- I have managed to outrun it. I had to go all the way to Pennsylvania to do so, and it will probably find me here, but in the meantime ...

Here's a hint- just because you can read does not mean you can write. Oh, and just because you are capable of writing- doesn’t mean you are a writer. Don’t get me wrong- I understand the compulsion to issue thoughts forth- a blank sheet of paper anticipating your brilliance, but frankly- it’s really not necessary for EVERYONE to have a blog.

They used to be called diaries- and there were locks on them- for a reason, to keep your thoughts safe. Then there were journals- a more relaxed and conversational version of the diary. Usually no lock, often just meandering thoughts, a method by which to purge frustration or simply ruminate via the written word. Some people journal for posterity or so they can look back at the landscape of their lives and see how far they have come- how they have evolved- changed, grown and matured.

A blog is something else entirely- this is a PUBLIC domain. ANYONE can read what you have written. Many of you might be thinking- “Well, you have a blog.” This is in fact true- while I might not be one of the most gifted writers in the literary community (actually, of that I am certain)- I do have a degree in writing from a Big 10 university (not that this means ANYTHING- especially not from a football perspective- and I have no idea what it means from an academic standpoint anymore) and this blog is somewhat a proving ground for the concept of my books.

The series is called So Very Clever – and the books are creative initiatives for a great many things- cooking, travel, being a guy’s girl, sports, interpersonal relationships and intrapersonal communication. As with most guides, the books are simply a collection of my opinions- thoughts, what not- some of which might give rise to your interest in something new.

Now, back to this blogging thing. I stumbled onto a blog by a friend from college and was shocked by what was on it. Rather deep, emotional musings- updates on relationships (sadly, our aborted romance was chronicled vividly- I didn’t fare well- insert deep sigh)- reviews of travel … I sat, stunned. He was a FINANCE major, and while the writing was fine- I couldn’t believe the intimacy he shared with readers (especially MY intimacy- at this point I am simply relieved he didn't use my name). Further, he had about 1,000 people as “fans.” What in the world would possess someone to purge details of their lives like that- and I knew, because I know him, most of it was true and real.

So, that lead me to search for other blogs to see what is going on (mind you, this is long before I had a blog of my very own). OMG. Blogs are proof of many things- we don’t pay teachers enough (it is clear many have lost their zeal for teaching), education is not a priority with young people (maybe it wasn’t in my generation either and I didn’t know it), psychotherapy must be at an all time low, as it appears people are doing everything from venting, ranting, raving, offering helpful hints, guidelines, hawking their wares, attacking their assumed enemies, blaspheming the government, religion, the establishment etc. …

If we are only as good as our word- what does that say about what we are becoming- who we are becoming? There is no regard for the beauty of the English language for the written word- as well evidenced by the fact we are plugging in and no longer reading unless we need to know how long to cook our food in a microwave.

I suggested to someone the other day they should read the label on the food they are buying (not that I advocate buying food with a list of ingredients- but if you must) and they said- "I don’t really like to read." If there was ever a time to snort when you laughed, it was this moment. Instead, I just coughed out a laugh and then covered it neatly with another cough. Nothing like a cough to cover up an involuntary utterance.

“I don’t like to read.” I SO don’t like to read I won’t read the label on the package of food I am buying to consume. Really? I would have to assume what he really meant was- "I don’t know how to read," because how can you not care about what you are putting into your body. I mean, if some foods we ingested did to our faces what they are doing to our insides- I guarantee people would be reading the labels. We can talk about that later.

Another favorite phrase, “I had to read in high school and college- I don’t do it anymore." Fantastic. Hmmm. I have a feeling very little reading went on in high school OR college. As if there is a list somewhere of required reading and once you complete it- you don’t have to read anymore. If that were the case, I am pretty sure I’d have completed my required reading list when I was a junior in high school.

Oh, and “I only read, you know, technical manuals.” (Oh, and Playboy- for the articles)- that’s something at least. This person at least understands it's difficult to learn without reading. Beyond that, it’s difficult to read without writing- so why are writers valued so little?

I know what you are thinking- what? There are tons of bookstores- writers must bank. Mmmm. No. Ninety percent of the revenue generated by professional writers is made by five percent of published writers (Oh, and about statistics? At least 50 percent of them are inaccurate). The average number of books a published writer sells is 500- which means they are not even covering the cost of the printing or cutting it dangerously close.

So, why write? Mmm. Good question- because there are people who are inspired, moved, stirred and even aroused (not Penthouse forum) by and enthralled with words, not so much that they are made up of letters or that you can string a few together to create a sentence, but that you can entertain, teach, edify, enlighten, instruct, provoke, incite and preach with the written word. I could go on- the things you can accomplish by learning how to use the English language are stunning and evocative.

What was my point? Oh yeah, if you write- write with purpose- whatever it is- and do it right. This blogging thing is blowing my mind. Stumbled upon one the other day that was a high school “gossip” page- really? Because we need another way to invade the privacy of others during the most awkward and tumultuous time of our lives? Gross.

The movie "Julie and Julia," which I did not see, started as a blog- I’m amazed. Number one- who cares. Number two- who cares and number three- who cares. If I had a dollar for every book or blog written by a whiny, sniveling woman who got dumped and is now baking, making chocolate, cooking, eating, praying or f*&%ing her way through a traumatic break up, I wouldn’t need to be a writer or do anything other than collect my bounty. It’s getting boring ladies.

Another problem with blogs is the basic piracy (a notion I bogarted from a Very Clever Guy named Kevin)- repopulated ideas, theories and even information. A common theme is to take from other sources and pass the information off as your own- thereby making you seem 1) smarter 2) more insightful and informed 3) la source. I’ve seen few blogs out there dealing with original content that is relevant or interesting to a wide range of people. I am not saying Clever is, but what it isn’t is a collection of someone else’s thoughts, notions or ideas- so, in that- it amounts to my opinion and my perspective.

I know there are good blogs out there- so please don’t deluge me with your favorite ones because frankly, I write too much to read- haha. That’s a little writing humor (Not funny? Try it in a Dudley-Moore-as-Arthur-Bach accent. Still not funny? You aren’t a writer)- the fact is, you must read to write- it’s how we learn. I’m not stipulating you need to be an avid reader to be a good writer- and I’m not even saying you need to be an educated or degreed writer to be an amazing writer. Some of the most gifted writers I know are engineers, journalists, attorneys and doctors- but one thing WE all have in common- the love of writing with purpose.

Take novels, for example. What are they? Stories. Do you have a friend who holds all rapt while he unfurls yet another episode of his life? Listeners on the edge of their seats, drinks poised- he is the master of the pregnant pause- adding to it his Hitchcockian mimicry and it’s a on like the break of dawn. Imagine if he put his thoughts to paper? A good story teller can tell stories- an editor can clean up his punctuation and, depending on the voice of character, he might not even need any grammatical help. Fact is- have purpose- be CLEVER and not too many people care what you had for breakfast. I say that and there is some chick in Idaho with a book deal launched by her blog on life in what must be the most boring state on record.

You can tell I’m sick- I get so bitchy when I’m sick.