The words of a reader are resonating with me and need to be addressed. He signed his correspondence- Hard Working NOT Upper Class Guy. I've been wondering why it was important to him I know he wasn’t upper class but still hard working. I've never associated hard work with socio-economic status- nor have I associated hard work with success. Largely because each person measures success differently- some by their ability to create and maintain interpersonal relationships, some by the amount of money they make, or how quickly they are promoted, and some by the health of their marriage or the harmony of their family. As well as hard work does not equal upper class- the two are not mutually exclusive either.
His words churned in the back of my mind until this past weekend as I dined at the Brown Street Café in Ennis, Texas. As I gazed about it was evident I was surrounded by men and women who knew the value of a hard day's work. Hands had been put to the plow- the tractor had cultivated, the house had been maintained, the children had been raised, marriages had persevered. All of this is hard work- not designated by class. Many of those enjoying their meal had achieved a great deal of financial success- marital success, familial success and personal actualization- not one of them with an air one would associate with Upper Class.
When do we learn the value of hard work? At what age do we realize hard work is required in all facets of our lives and if we put in the effort- we will be rewarded. How young is too young to teach your children? How do we avoid the entitlement, which has become rampant with each new generation?
As I ruminated over my coffee, I was delighted with an exchange I was able to overhear at the next table. My figurative hat is off to this Clever Daddy for driving home the answers to all my questions.
Dad- Hey, Son? (the sports page was in front of him, unread, as he watched his son draw a picture).
Son- Yes, Daddy?
Dad- I want you to know how proud I am of how well you're doing in kindergarten. (I glanced over to see the father hunched a bit to look directly in his little boy’s eyes).
Son- I really like it, Daddy.
Dad- I know you do, Son, and your teachers tell me you’ve been working hard on your letters. I know it's not easy, I've been there- but you're doing great.
Son- Thanks, Daddy.
Dad- I also want you to know, I’ve noticed how much you've improved in T-ball.
Son- I’m trying, Daddy. I want to be really good.
Dad- You are good, Son. I see you getting better every week. I’m here to help- any time you need me.
Son- Do you think I can play shortstop soon?
Dad- Well, if you keep working at it and put the time in, I see it working out- but for the time being, Trevor is our man at shortstop.
Son- Do you think Trevor might help me?
I couldn't understand the dad's response because he was obviously choked up- I had to admit so was I. It shocked me such a small child could see past his own desires and look to a peer not in jealously but for help to achieve a goal. In the corner of my eye- I saw him reach over and grab his son's hand and the smile his son offered in return lit the room.
This Clever Daddy is raising a responsible, hard-working man. He probably doesn’t even realize how meaningful his words are at this young age- but he is generating logical parallels between school and work, effort and reward, work and success, the value of setting goals and asking for help to achieve them.
Praising children at times is a product of habit- but children receive a message differently when spoken from behind a newspaper or while you are on the phone than they do when you get on your knees and look them in the eye.
If we are too quick to compliment them- "That’s the best picture I have ever seen!" (Is it? Is it really? Probably not)- they don’t learn the value of the effort required to create something beautiful. The effort in itself is beautiful, so focus on that. "Wow, what a neat picture. I can see you put a lot of effort into it. Now, what is this here?"
If we applaud a child's every breath- when will they take breathing for granted? How will they cope with not making the team? Flunking a class? Not making partner the first year out of college? When their marriage is tested?
His father's messages will fuel this boy's endeavors in school, relationships, college and work. When the focus shifts to marriage, family and career- he will be prepared to buckle down and put in a hard day's work every day.
This child will likely not feel entitled. He will put forth energy- he will be proud of his accomplishments. He will have self-respect, self-confidence and the desire to thrive. It might all begin with eye contact and a well-constructed compliment aimed at recognizing the effort behind your child's achievement.
Whether it's a drawing, eating their entire meal or securing that coveted position on the team, the lesson is clear- nothing worthwhile is easily won and hard work will yield results.
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