I was asked by a VERY CLEVER Guy to address some ideas about handling the receipt of a gift you don’t like or want. OK, first of all- are we really so spoiled and indulged we couldn't say- “I didn’t want that”- ? My gosh, we have people dying because they don’t have any clean water and we don’t like the sweater we received? It’s a little gross.
Let’s consider the situation. Is this a gratuitous gift? Let’s say from your sister-in-law? If so, stop the gift-giving tradition with adults. There is no reason you should be buying gifts for adults anymore. We are all capable of purchasing items for ourselves. If you want to show you care- then do it. Write them a letter- make them a holiday meal, find a way to show them you are thinking of them and you care for them. Give your parents the gift of experience and book a trip for them to visit a special place. My favorite gift idea between adults (if you must) are professional photos. Conspire with your brother-in-law to get your hands on your sister’s children for a few hours and have some photos taken. For the husband who can NEVER do anything right? Have some photos of your children taken. What woman wouldn’t LOVE that? A sweater doesn’t really cut it anymore.
If the gift you don’t care for has come from your relational partner, you should already have a line of communication consistent with honesty and authenticity. If you do not- the fact you don't like the gift is not your biggest problem. You should wonder why you are with someone who doesn't know you, hasn't invested enough time to get to know you, is too lazy to make an effort or with whom you can't be honest.
As one half of a couple or significant relationship- the Clever goal would be to become both the giver and the gift. The gift in this situation would be that you made a great effort to let the other person know you LOVE them and think of them and LISTEN to them- HEAR them. It could have NO monetary value whatsoever. It is time for us to place our relationships higher on the list of priorities than possessions. I swear, how many more items can we purchase for children that encourage them to TUNE us out and crawl inside their own heads? Soon they will only be able to hear themselves anyway, because their hearing will be damaged at a shocking rate.
One of the things about Christmas, which isn’t consistent with being Clever, is that we are not putting much thought into things. If you are one of those people who is compelled to show love with items? Do it year round. I have a friend who often brings me little cooking-related gifts. The items are not extravagant, but they demonstrate she knows me, she remembered I needed a new paring knife, thinks of me and it is how she commicates her appreciation of my efforts in the kitchen. Let’s not save our acknowledgement of our loved ones for ONE day of the year. Experiment with your family- or your boyfriend- and extend Christmas for a year. Once a month, you will each produce something meaningful in the form of a small personal gift, a statement of recognition or thought. You could have a night set aside where you get together and do nothing other than revisit topics you discussed previously, share your thoughts or acknowledge one another with thought and effort. I could do this right now with most of the people with home I share my life by simply going out of my way to let them know something they did or said resonated with me.
I make lasagna at Christmas for my friends, my clients and my vendors for a number of reasons. Number one- I don’t know how to bake, I don’t like sugar and it seems far too many people gift sweets. Number two- the holidays are so hectic, rarely do people take the time to have a nice meal and to have a homemade lasagna that feeds 12 takes the pressure off for an office lunch or a family dinner. Number three- because it is now demanded of me- it is no longer something I do out of the kindness of my heart (haha).
My simple advice is to always include a gift receipt when you gift- let people know out of the gate it is totally acceptable to you that they return or exchange it if they don’t care for it. This way, they will be encouraged to do the same. Either way, gratuitous or not, whether you already have the cookbook they gave you or not, an effort has still been made (perhaps not Herculean or consistent with what you’d like) and it is important to recognize it by being gracious and thankful. If it’s a gift you already own- donate the double or give it to a friend (not in the form of a gift) who might enjoy it.
Let’s give the gift of experience this year. Experience one another. Engage. We are so short of time we make it up with material items. Unacceptable. Your children want your time. Your wife wants your time (and maybe a Gucci handbag or a new duvet cover- so take some time our of your schedule to go pick them out together). Your boyfriend wants some attention, so instead of exchanging gifts you don’t need, schedule 48 hours at a hotel nearby- leave the cell phones, computers and iPods at home. Talk. Share some wine and thoughts. Go into that time with a list of things you have never told the other person you value about them.
Instead of spending a hundred dollars on a spa gift certificate- book a pedicure for you both to enjoy together after a long lunch. Every year for our birthdays, one of my closest friends and I plan a four-hour lunch at a very quiet restaurant and we linger over a bottle of wine and invest in one another with no distractions. It long ago became one of the gifts I look forward to most every year- that unfettered time with my busy, over-scheduled friend.
I apologize for my absence this weekend- I was giving the gift of time to a Clever Couple who began walking on the same path in the eyes of God and friends and family members. I’ve rarely desired perfection so much than during this special time in her life and let me tell you- the Longhorns almost put a cloud over the Sunday wedding. But, in true form, the Horns came through on a clutch play.
This game did two things regarding the Heisman- well, three things. It made the waters muddier instead of crystal clear as I’d hoped. It set up a lot of momentum for Nebraska’s Suh at the same time it leveled the playing field a bit between Colt McCoy and Ingram. I don’t enjoy speaking these words for a variety of reasons. Colt’s body of work is impressive and I feel deep down he should have won it last year- so for him to be denied again would be criminal. I might have to disavow the voting criterion or petition for a college achievement award, which is more comprehensive and noteworthy. I will admit the most consistent and solid performance of the year is undeniably Suh- and an exclusively defensive player has never secured the Heisman. I can see a fairy tale taking shape. Erin Hogan, my go-to guy, thinks he will get enough ballots to earn an invite due to the national focus he snagged with his stand-alone performance on Saturday, but it is still between Colt and Ingram.
For more scintillating (not MORE scintillating but additional scintillating) commentary regarding the Heisman race (which is winding down), college football and Lone Star Sports- log on to http://www.blogger.com/www.espnaustin.com . Geoff, Chad, Sean, Chip, Dan and Erin are a comprehensive team providing solid coverage AND they make me bust out laughing. Talk about a gift. Isn't laughing the absolute BEST?
No comments:
Post a Comment