What in the HELL are You Doing in There?

OK, Clever Girls- this does not apply to you- but I have to ask the question on every Clever Guy’s mind. What happens from the moment you (So Very NOT Clever ladies) close the car door until the time you are actually in motion, reversing out of a coveted parking space.

The reason we know these are not So Very Clever Girls is because there seems no consideration for others. Let me speculate, because that is simply all I can do in this situation.

The door shuts, one must find a place to put the far-too-large purse (also could be called a satchel). So Very Clever Girls already know EXACTLY where the purse of any size goes. They also know they need to pull out their phone efficiently and even plug it in if the battery is low.

Now, the not Clever version of this is- putting the purse down, placing the keys in the ignition- then realizing you need your phone. First, the attempt to fish it out while the purse is on the floor. Then, after no luck, the purse is hauled into the passenger’s seat- more fishing. Why isn’t the phone in the pocket where it ALWAYS is?

Clever Daddies Teach the Value of a Hard Day's Work

The words of a reader are resonating with me and need to be addressed. He signed his correspondence- Hard Working NOT Upper Class Guy. I've been wondering why it was important to him I know he wasn’t upper class but still hard working. I've never associated hard work with socio-economic status- nor have I associated hard work with success. Largely because each person measures success differently- some by their ability to create and maintain interpersonal relationships, some by the amount of money they make, or how quickly they are promoted, and some by the health of their marriage or the harmony of their family. As well as hard work does not equal upper class- the two are not mutually exclusive either.

His words churned in the back of my mind until this past weekend as I dined at the Brown Street Café in Ennis, Texas. As I gazed about it was evident I was surrounded by men and women who knew the value of a hard day's work. Hands had been put to the plow- the tractor had cultivated, the house had been maintained, the children had been raised, marriages had persevered. All of this is hard work- not designated by class. Many of those enjoying their meal had achieved a great deal of financial success- marital success, familial success and personal actualization- not one of them with an air one would associate with Upper Class.

Fanged Seduction

It seems few days go by when a Clever Guy doesn’t ask me about the freaking allure of the "Twilight" series of books and movies. An excellent question, one I’d like to address here, as the third movie in the smash concept by Stephenie Meyer is already setting records.

I think my friend Jessica said it best after seeing the first movie, "Twlight." I asked her how it was and she said, "I gotta get me one of them vampires." I literally burst out laughing because it was quintessential Jessica and, having read the book, I understood the draw.

What is the big whoop? Mmm. Vampires have long held us rapt (whether with fear or intrigue), but Meyer vampires aren’t the terrifying creatures hovering at your bedroom window, scratching at the glass like on "Salem’s Lot," nor are they the quasi-sexy Anne Rice vampires. This is a whole new breed of fanged seduction.

"The Game of Life and How to Play It"

Greetings, Clever Tribe. I have missed you So Very Much.

After I noted "Sextrology" by Stella Starsky and Quinn Cox was one of the most remarkable tomes I’d even encountered- many people have asked me what was the MOST significant non-fiction book I’ve read. The answer requires no thought- and though I promised never to discuss religion- this book does include some references to such. "The Game of Life and How to Play It" by Florence Scovel Shinn is a simple and straightforward book written in the 1920s. Florence was a noteworthy metaphysician and though the verbiage is at times a bit antiquated and clunky- the concepts and ideas have great value.

In order to respect readers who don’t want to acknowledge "God" as their, well, God, she recommends you "insert" your "God" wherever she uses the word. There is great recognition of "laws of the universe" and spirituality, so no reader is likely to be offended.

"It's Not You it's Me" is Code for "It's You"

I received the following email last night and felt it needed to be addressed- mostly because it pissed me off.

Clever Girl- help. I’m afraid to break it off with my girl friend of seven months- she’s highly emotional and I don’t know what she’ll do. JD

Break ups are unpleasant- no doubt about it and depending on your emotional involvement, it could feel as if you are experiencing a death. Clever Girls exemplify dignity and self-respect and should exercise both in this situation. While this may be one of the most painful experiences of your life- save the psychotic break for the girls.

If your boyfriend calls you and says, “Listen, I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think we should take a break”- what he really means is “I want out. I don’t really have any intention of resuming our relationship, but I have learned pacifying you is the way to mitigate your emotional outbursts”. Let him know this is not what you want, but you understand his feelings.Wish him well and hang up the phone- or walk away from the meeting place. I am not against shedding a tear- from a theatrical point of view- it looks good, will stroke his ego for sure and it might just be an honest reaction. You could let him know you didn’t see this coming and you apologize for your tears it is simply a bit of a shock. Now, if for some reason, he really means “break”- he needs to be the one to come back. Clever Girls do not call. Do not leave messages.Do not beg.

No matter what “excuse” he gives you- what it translates to is- he wants out- so let him go.Why, oh why, would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? It doesn’t matter if he is accepting a job in a distant city and doesn’t want to manage a long distant relationship- begging him and reassuring him you can handle it is a bit degrading. If he says he met someone else- great. Fact of the matter is- if he is dumb enough to let go of a Clever Girl- he was never smart enough to keep one in the first place. Move on to more fertile ground, Clever. If he blames it on work- it means work means more to him- so let him work himself into an early grave- no longer your problem. If he tells you he feels you work too much and don’t have enough time for him- test him by committing to making more time for him- if he still seems to want to cut loose- he was lying and it’s time to give him the boot.

Why Didn't He Call? He's NOT Interested.

I continually get e-mails from men and women about physical interaction on dates. How much is too much and when is too soon? I refer them to one of the first "So Very Clever" posts, but decided it might be time to rerun it for those of you have recently become So Very Clever.

For those of you who are new- So Very Clever is not and never will be a place to get "advice"- I am not "Dear Abby" or anyone else. Being So Very Clever is a decision and it doesn't just happen- you have to work at it. You will find information here- never judgement, never finger pointing- just support and guidance.

It may seem at times I'm being judgmental, but I'm not (unless you're a bad parent- by that I mean you endanger your children emotionally, mentally or physically, in which case I hope they keep the coals hot in that special place in hell reserved for you). I am merely giving you a different perspective.

In the case of date physicality- this goes back to common sense. Yet, in overhearing women and men speak about their dates … it would seem common sense doesn’t exist anymore.

Saying Goodbye to Bob Probert

My So Very Clever thoughts regarding Stephanie Meyer will have to be tabled at least for the day. I am officially in mourning. A man I’ve known for 20 years (yes, I am old) has died today- prematurely. We met when I was 17 he was, mmm, 24 I was in high school and he played for the Detroit Red Wings. We had the same doctor and managed to strike up a friendship. Yes, friendship. Anything more would have been a felony.

He was about to go to prison for drug possession coming over the Canada/U.S. border (don't ever do this) and I was trying to figure out relational dynamics in my small town (I still have not- there or anywhere). It was a natural bond between one of the most feared enforcers in NHL history and the captain of the cheerleading team.

At the time, I wasn’t even that big a fan- other than of local celebrity players like the Hatchers, Mike Modano and Bobby Reynolds. Bob Probert changed all of that. He quickly became a kind, gentle and protective older brother-type. We were pen pals (Facebook friends with pens and paper) while he was in prison. He’d tell me how fun it was to tease the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" dude (yes, a real murderer)- they’d sidle up to his cell and make chainsaw noises (ah, prison) and I’d cry over having no dates. He’d explain what he was learning from Jim Bakker (former evangelist) and I’d explain my competition schedule for cheerleading and how I was fitting in my new obsession with hockey.

Be Careful What You Snoop For- You Might Find It

There is no way to stifle my anger over a situation a friend just told me about. He is happily married and has been for six years. They have two beautiful children together. About four years ago, his wife cracked his Yahoo account and found a bunch of e-mails to and from an ex-girlfriend. The e-mails were all dated prior to him meeting his wife and there were none dated after meeting his wife. This was not a woman he’d kept secret from his wife.

She read every single e-mail in the file. She was absolutely furious he still had the e-mails (along with tons of other e-mails to and from siblings and other family members). Since this incident, she is jealous and possessive, suspicious of him and any women he is in contact with. It’s a beating for him on a regular basis. It’s put a major strain on their relationship.

When asked why he kept them, he told her they marked a significant period of his life- not so much in importance but in time spent. I know him very well and have for 20 years- and I know he’s rather concerned with documentation of his life. He used to journal and tends to keep records of his life. She made him delete all of the e-mails and warned him about the consequences of him ever being in contact with the "other woman" again. Really?

Now, I’m about to get ugly and graphic so prepare. What just happened recently is that she was going through some boxes in the attic- not sure why she went through "his" stuff- and she found a journal. It chronicled his first love and the intimate details of their, uh, activity. She sat down in the attic and read every word. WTF?