Regardless of where your wedding ceremony will take place, if you’ve taken my advice you have a wedding planner who will insist upon a rehearsal. If you are planning a church ceremony- church rules will need to be followed. Therefore, a rehearsal is necessary.
Count on your entire wedding party to be late. So, if a number of the attendants are from out of town, plan ahead and arrange for transportation from the hotel(s) to the ceremony site. Lure them from their rooms with a "cocktail" reception in the bar downstairs or in someone’s room (there is nothing like alcohol to lighten the mood- translation: ceremony rehearsals are boring- ply them with drinks and perhaps a snack to cut down on the inevitable complaining). No matter what- ask them to arrive 30 minutes prior to the actual start time- this will help to manage your temper.
A church coordinator or your wedding coordinator will likely want you to do a minimum of two run-throughs. This will involve explaining to you what needs to be done the next day. The flower girls and ring bearers will have the chance to brace the aisle without hundreds of eyes on them, the bride’s maids and groom’s men will understand how they are to get down the aisle and where to stand after, and the bride and her escort will begin to experience the emotion impending.
After the consultant and/or coordinator is reasonably sure you all can make it to where you are going the next day- t is customary for the groom’s family to host a dinner for the members of the wedding party and the out-of-town guests.
Clever Grooms, make sure you tell your parents this and don’t put the onus on your fiancee to do so. Discussions of money and traditions can be awkward. If you do not feel your parents are willing, the responsibility falls to you. Some of the best rehearsal dinners I’ve been to have been exceedingly casual- don’t feel you need to blow it out of the water for everyone to have a good time. While you might feel subject to some pressure given the scale of the wedding event- this is not relevant. I’ve attended weddings with a budget of $1 million and the rehearsal dinner was at the local BBQ restaurant- beer in buckets, photos instead of floral, iPod in the corner- everyone had a BLAST.
Oftentimes visiting guests desire a bit of local flavor, so think about what your region has to offer in the way of that cuisine. Whether it’s down home dance hall BBQ, or Mexican, a clam bake or crawfish boil- the point is that your families and friends are together to toast you. Even a potluck dinner can be made remarkably personal and festive by keeping your guests engaged and feeling special- sharing in your special time.
However, there might be a bit of tension if the bride’s parents are paying for a lovely wedding and the groom’s parents cannot financially do so or choose not to. This is where you need to rely on your planner to diffuse tension and manage conflict.
If your parents offer a budget that will not cover a rehearsal dinner on the scope of what you both desire (or even what the bride’s parents desire), supplement, however discretely you need to. The important thing is to get this dinner done. If you have the means and interest in doing so- knock the cover off the ball. Have it at home and hire a local celebrity chef, a cigar roller, set up a Scotch bar and have a DJ come in. The options here are endless.
Above and beyond all- the rehearsal dinner should reflect the personality of you both as a couple. Try to cut through the red tape and determine what you’d like and the climate in which you’d like to enjoy your family members and friends.
Cheers.
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